Was your bird hand raised? If not than it may take a very long time before he is willing to step up. If he was hand raised, try asking him to step up onto a stick (just make sure the stick is steady or he could get scared!) Remember, work slowly!!
P.S. If you continue to have trouble, consider consulting and animal behaviorist.
To my knowledge there is no way to simply look at an african grey and know whether it is male or female. Unless you want to breed your bird his/her sex is not terribly important. If it is terribly important to you however, there are a couple of ways to tell. Many female birds start laying eggs upon reaching sexual maturity, while some males will mastrubate. The other way is a lab test using either feathers (newer and more expensive) or a blood test (older but still not cheap). If you don't already have one, I'd invest in a book on African Greys. It may have training ideas specifically for the species and age of your bird.
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